How to Keep Relationships Strong in College: The GIVE Skill
College isn’t just about grades and group projects—it’s also about navigating all kinds of relationships. Roommates, professors, parents, friends, teammates… some of these connections you want to keep strong, and others you need to (like that internship supervisor giving you a final evaluation 😬).
That’s where the DBT skill GIVE comes in. It’s a simple tool to help you maintain and build positive relationships—even when things get stressful or awkward.
So, what does GIVE stand for?
G – Be Gentle
Sounds basic, but it matters. Being gentle means no attacking, no judgment, no threats, and no sneering (yep, even eye rolls count). Watch your tone, your words, and your nonverbals.
I – Act Interested
Even if you’re not. Put your phone down, make eye contact, nod along. Show with your body language that the other person matters in this moment.
V – Validate
Validation doesn’t mean you agree—it means you get where the other person is coming from. A simple, “I see how you’d feel that way” can calm things down fast. You can also validate nonverbally—like handing a friend a tissue when they’re upset.
E – Use an Easy Manner
Bring in some lightness. Smile if it makes sense, keep your body relaxed, maybe use a touch of humor. The goal isn’t stand-up comedy, but showing you’re approachable and not rigid.
When to Use GIVE
Talking with parents (especially when negotiating independence)
Living with roommates (hello, chore charts and noise complaints)
Interacting with professors (professional but still warm)
Dating or friendships (where both care and boundaries matter)
A good self-check: “How do I want the other person to feel about me after this interaction?”
Because sometimes—even if you don’t like the person—it’s still in your best interest to keep the relationship respectful and positive.
The Bottom Line
College is full of tough conversations, and GIVE helps you handle them with respect and ease. It’s not about being fake or overly nice—it’s about keeping relationships strong while staying true to yourself. And when you pair GIVE with FAST (its twin skill), you’ve got a powerful combo: care for others and respect yourself. Be on the lookout for our blog post on the FAST skill. Want to hear more about the GIVE skill, tune into a microdose episode on how to make and keep the relationships you want in college.
