Building College Connections That Last
f you ask most incoming freshmen about their biggest worry when starting college, chances are they’ll say: making friends. Even the most confident, socially successful students in high school encounter new challenges and anxieties when navigating relationships in college.
Research consistently shows that healthy relationships are one of the strongest predictors of positive mental health in college. Having a circle of friends to enjoy campus life with, as well as people to lean on during tough times, can make or break your experience. And it’s not just friendships—relationships with professors, peers, and alumni can shape your academic success and career path.
The social terrain of college is new and exciting, but it can also feel overwhelming. Here’s how to confidently create, navigate, and maintain meaningful relationships in college.
Finding Your People
The sentiment that college is “the best four years of your life” creates a lot of pressure to find your people fast. It’s no wonder so many incoming students scroll endlessly on social media, trying to line up connections before even stepping foot on campus.
But here’s the truth: friendships take time to grow. The flood of new people and social opportunities during those first weeks can be overwhelming—and that’s normal. Rather than worrying about instant bonds, focus on making a plan and taking small, intentional steps.
The Friendship Finding Formula
Try these five steps to expand your social circle:
Be Open: Stay open-minded to different types of people. First impressions aren’t always accurate, and college is filled with diverse perspectives that can enrich your life.
Create Opportunities: Join clubs, activities, or events that align with your interests. Even your classes are great opportunities—challenge yourself to start a conversation with a classmate.
Actively Invest Your Time: Friendships grow when you put in effort. Show up to events, participate in discussions, and connect with professors or TAs during office hours.
Manage Your Expectations: Deep relationships don’t form overnight. Allow friendships to grow at their own pace instead of rushing the process.
Seek Support: Lean on campus resources like counseling centers, peer groups, or mentorship programs if you’re struggling to connect.
The Friendship Matrix: Anchor and Adventure Friends
Not all friendships meet the same needs. Sometimes you need an anchor friend—someone reliable, supportive, and steady. Other times, you need an adventure friend—fun, spontaneous, and always up for a new experience.
Now, layer that with the give-and-take dynamic in relationships. Some friendships feel balanced, while others lean more toward one person giving and the other taking.
The Friendship Matrix helps you see where your current relationships fall. Plotting your friendships on the matrix can highlight whether you’re missing balance—maybe you have plenty of fun “adventure” friends but lack someone who’s a true emotional anchor.
💡 Exercise: Draw your own friendship matrix and map out your relationships. Are there gaps? Do your friendships feel balanced, or do you need to shift your circle?
Building Interpersonal Effectiveness
Even once you’ve found your people, maintaining healthy relationships requires skill. You may struggle to:
Communicate your needs
Say no when you want to
Set boundaries
Avoid people-pleasing behaviors
The good news? These are learned skills. Interpersonal effectiveness strategies—especially those from Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT)—can help you get your needs met, maintain respect in your relationships, and stay true to your values.
Three Key Skills for Healthy Relationships
Objective Effectiveness (DEAR MAN): Helps you communicate your needs clearly and assertively.
Relationship Effectiveness (GIVE): Keeps your interactions kind and respectful, even during conflict.
Self-Respect Effectiveness (FAST): Protects your self-worth and values when relationships get tough.
(Each of these deserves a deep dive—and we’ll explore them in future posts!)
Handling Social Anxiety and Mistakes
Everyone feels awkward at times. Social anxiety often shows up as thoughts like:
“Everyone thinks I’m weird.”
“I should be more outgoing.”
“If I mess up, no one will like me.”
These anxious thoughts can block your ability to use interpersonal skills effectively. Catching and challenging them is key.
And when you inevitably make a social mistake? Recover with grace. Own it, laugh it off, learn from it, and move forward. Most people are far more forgiving (and forgetful) than we imagine.
Key Takeaway
Building healthy relationships in college isn’t about finding the “perfect” group of friends overnight. It’s about:
Staying open and curious
Putting yourself in situations to meet new people
Being patient with the process
Practicing communication skills that support both you and your relationships
Healthy friendships and connections don’t just make college fun—they set the foundation for a more resilient, supported, and successful life.
✨ Would you like me to also create graphics/worksheets (like a sample Friendship Matrix or Friendship Finding Formula checklist) that you can drop into the blog post to make it more interactive?
